sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
