Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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