Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
