White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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