I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
