Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
