I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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