since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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