Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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