I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
