I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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