Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
