Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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