Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
