Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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