U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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