I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
