Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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