oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
