It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
