TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she peed on how many people?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I die, sorry about rent.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
