he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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