They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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