Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize