Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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