Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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