My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize