i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
