i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
