When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
