Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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