he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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