We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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