TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
