I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
