i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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