How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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