Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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