It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
