Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
