i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
