Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
