I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
