one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
