What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
