remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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