If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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