I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
