I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
