i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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