:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
