how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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