But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
