I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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