An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
