true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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