Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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