But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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