did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
