"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
