I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
