i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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