I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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