Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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