As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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