Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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