Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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