Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
