if i died would you start the facebook group?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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