Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
